Love | Maxx yourself
How to be datable
Dating is a market. Before thinking about what you’re looking for, let’s start with what you are offering. Don’t take this as a blocker to dating: you’ll never be perfect, nobody is, so waiting until you are will result in a pretty lonely life.
And if you’re in a relationship already: No harm in reviewing this and making sure you put in the effort to stay an attractive partner for your partner.
How to be datable
Develop core traits
Sorry, no easy wins here. We are all primed by evolution to find traits attractive that predict healthy children. Even if you and your future partner don’t want children, you are primed to judge on those traits. Accept this situation and develop them.
Women: Youth, meternal investment capability, intelligence, health. Youth is frustrating because even though living healthy can prolong it, you are running against the clock. “Just” accept it and factor it in when dating.
Men: Fitness, mental health, intelligence, willpower, tenderness, status. How do you develop these? Follow Euzoia and do the work. Just as for women, some of these are predetermined. Accept that. Nobody wants a perfect partner..
Personal: What do you value in others that’s not part of this list? Can you offer that yourself? Chances are that if you are looking for this in others, they might look for the same in you. How can you work on that (and signal it later)?
Signal those traits
“I am looking for somebody who is funny, good-looking, and cares about his friends” Said everybody, ever. Why is this? These are all signals that are both hard to fake and easy to see. Signals are how you show your traits. Focus on the hard-to-fake ones.
How you look: Your looks signal youth and health (skin, hair, …), mental health (tidyness), intelligence (style and situational awareness), wealth (can afford nice clothes), willpower (can go to the gym), fitness, etc.
How you speak: Signals intelligence (humor, breadth of topics), tenderness (how you treat others), mental health (vulnerability), tenderness (empathy, understanding), etc.
What you do: Signals status (having friends around you, your job), wealth (your clothes, your house, paying for dinner), tenderness (donating money, your job), mental health (how you deal with stress), etc.
Be in the right markets
You can signal all you want; if nobody is there to see it it won’t go very far. Put yourself out there and allow yourself to be seen. We’ll cover what to then do in the next post.
Dating apps: Terrible dynamics: Women swipe on most attractive men. Those men don’t commit because they get a lot of likes. Everybody loses. Signalling here is an art: Show off all signals without seeming to show-offy.
Social activities: Be where you think the people you are interested in will be. Step 1 is to just do the things you like doing. Step 2 is to think a bit harder about which of these activities allow for easy socializing and have a lot of your type.
Location: Some markets are just terribly skewed. SF as a man is a nightmare, same for NYC as a woman. If you are single and dating, you want to be in a place with enough options: Universities, cities, not your hometown.
Get started
Subscribe to Euzoia to build those habits! Bet money on doing them.
Check with friends: What do you signal right now? How could you change?
Review your markets: Where are you fishing and is there a better pond?
Missing something? Add a comment and we’ll add it to next year’s version
typo? "meternal investment capability,"
I'm not really sure what this is...
also in what sense should women maxx this??
Being more fertile/pregnable? more patient and caring?
or its the width of the hips?
seems a bit outdated
I would instead suggest women make more eye contact, smile, and start conversations (like everyone else)
Hi,
It didn’t really sit right with me that the first item under "Women", with the heading: "How to be dateable? - Develop Core Traits",
was "Youth".
How are women supposed to Lovemaxx themselves based on this?
I would have suggested potentially a section: Hard Truths. But i also don't think this is in general relevant,
I hear about old people dating, my grandma dated someone in her 80s. If someone is old and lonely, they can: join a book club, join a bowling league, try to improve their eye contact, do group exercise, take a community center cooking class, ask someone on a date etc. etc.
I also think the article doesn’t cover much.
Wouldn’t a core strategy be to ignore all the advice in this and simply ask 20 people out?
About location, there are millions of people in NY and San Fran, it kinda seems like you’re implying people should move cities, when there’s probably a thousand lower hanging fruits to go for first.
Like if you can’t find a date in a city of 5million, I don’t think the problem is gender ratios in the population.
I think the main points should be:
1. Start asking people out, or at least invite them to socialize in a fun group activity
2. Ask trusted honest persons if there are easy wins for you (shaving head if balding, or maybe you stink, or have terrible fashion sense)
3. join 3 dating apps, spend time on your profiles, get 2-3 harsh/honest people to review (probably not your friends who care about you and your feelings). Of course dating apps suck and feel shitty, but they're actually incredible if you compare to the alternatives.
4. invite groups of friends to go out to fun social things. tell them to bring new people. expand your social circle.
5. reflect on your experience doing the above. Are there any force multipliers? ie: Your friend Sandra tends to introduce you to 5 new people every time you see her?
loads of other things to discuss
1. basic physical things, eye contact, escalating touching(while foregrounding and emphasizing consent)
2. Which activities are better: probs Salsa Dancing, probs not Midieval bow-making
3. easy ways to meet new people: meetup.com forexample
4. if you're honestly a 1 or two (of 10) probably get plastic surgery. It could be a big win, no need to feel judged.
5. identifying and joining existing communities
Basically... being in the right market, signaling status, and developing core traits, are not really good or practical advice. Lets say i'm the best man in the world (traits), and people can tell (signallling), and I'm in a room full of the people I'm attracted to (market)... still nothing is going to happen, or?