Love: Maxx yourself
How to be datable
Dating is a market. Before thinking about what youâre looking for, letâs start with what you are offering. Donât take this as a blocker to dating: youâll never be perfect, nobody is, so waiting until you are will result in a pretty lonely life.
And if youâre in a relationship already: No harm in reviewing this and making sure you put in the effort to stay an attractive partner for your partner.
How to be datable
Develop core traits
Sorry, no easy wins here. We are all primed by evolution to find traits attractive that predict healthy children. Even if you and your future partner donât want children, you are primed to judge on those traits. Accept this situation and develop them.
Women: Youth, meternal investment capability, intelligence, health. Youth is frustrating because even though living healthy can prolong it, you are running against the clock. âJustâ accept it and factor it in when dating.
Men: Fitness, mental health, intelligence, willpower, tenderness, status. How do you develop these? Follow Euzoia and do the work. Just as for women, some of these are predetermined. Accept that. Nobody wants a perfect partner..
Personal: What do you value in others thatâs not part of this list? Can you offer that yourself? Chances are that if you are looking for this in others, they might look for the same in you. How can you work on that (and signal it later)?
Signal those traits
âI am looking for somebody who is funny, good-looking, and cares about his friendsâ Said everybody, ever. Why is this? These are all signals that are both hard to fake and easy to see. Signals are how you show your traits. Focus on the hard-to-fake ones.
How you look: Your looks signal youth and health (skin, hair, âŚ), mental health (tidyness), intelligence (style and situational awareness), wealth (can afford nice clothes), willpower (can go to the gym), fitness, etc.
How you speak: Signals intelligence (humor, breadth of topics), tenderness (how you treat others), mental health (vulnerability), tenderness (empathy, understanding), etc.
What you do: Signals status (having friends around you, your job), wealth (your clothes, your house, paying for dinner), tenderness (donating money, your job), mental health (how you deal with stress), etc.
Be in the right markets
You can signal all you want; if nobody is there to see it it wonât go very far. Put yourself out there and allow yourself to be seen. Weâll cover what to then do in the next post.
Dating apps: Terrible dynamics: Women swipe on most attractive men. Those men donât commit because they get a lot of likes. Everybody loses. Signalling here is an art: Show off all signals without seeming to show-offy.
Social activities: Be where you think the people you are interested in will be. Step 1 is to just do the things you like doing. Step 2 is to think a bit harder about which of these activities allow for easy socializing and have a lot of your type.
Location: Some markets are just terribly skewed. SF as a man is a nightmare, same for NYC as a woman. If you are single and dating, you want to be in a place with enough options: Universities, cities, not your hometown.
Get started
Subscribe to Euzoia to build those habits! Bet money on doing them.
Check with friends: What do you signal right now? How could you change?
Review your markets: Where are you fishing and is there a better pond?
Missing something? Add a comment and weâll add it to next yearâs version